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02 April 2009 @ 12:48 pm
My mikvah trip was this morning. As my rabbi likes to say I'm now MOT. Get it? Member of the Tribe.

06 February 2009 @ 09:19 am
I know I'm a very, very bad livejournaler but with all the blogs I have I really can't keep up. I do read my livejournal friends frequently though, I'm just lax on updating here and commenting. But I know that at least a couple people read my livejournal but don't pay any attention (understandably so) to the other places I blog/write/whatever so I do try to post really important things here. Like being out of power for extended periods of time. Moving on.

So the two things I'd like to announce today are as follows:

1. We finally got power back on Sunday. Only out five days this time instead of 8 days when Ike rolled through. It still sucked a lot but it was a great opportunity to find out how kind and generous a few of our friends are.

2. My rabbi and I set the dates for my trip to the mikvah and my conversion ceremony yesterday. I am overwhelmed with emotion and confidence that this is absolutely the place I need to be and what I need to do in my life. I am so ready. I am beyond excited.

I weighed Hebrew names for a while but kept coming back to the same one over and over. I've been thinking about it for many months but the first one was always the one I knew it would be. When my rabbi and I discussed me choosing a Hebrew name today I didn't tell him the name I was thinking but instead asked if he had any thoughts on a Hebrew name for me. He instantly said the name I'd been thinking all these months.

That's just another example of things being in sync and feeling so right.
31 January 2009 @ 10:13 am
...or how we are once again without power and this time without heat.

So you might have seen on the news that Kentucky got its ass kicked by an ice storm. We are without power once again (we're on day four without power) and no power means no heat. So we are reduced to relying on the kindness of friends for a place to stay that has, you know heat, since it's currently 12 degrees here. Just to recap: in September we were without power for 8 days after a fucking hurricane came though, earlier in 2008 we had an earthquake and also it was the year of locusts. If frogs start falling from the sky I will not be at all surprised.
14 October 2008 @ 03:04 pm
I was a guest on State of Affairs on WFPL today. It was an awesome experience. The show is an hour long so it's a big file and a time commitment to listen to but if you're interested here's the link:


The topic was "Our evolving relationship with technology."
21 September 2008 @ 06:46 pm
19 September 2008 @ 11:44 am
This is me trying to be positive and not lose my ever loving mind at this powerless nonsense.

1. Coming from a farm family and therefore being able to borrow a generator.

2. Douglass Loop never losing power meaning Breadworks and Heine Brothers have both been able to supply my coffee needs.

3. Aforementioned generator allowing me the power to backup all the data from the wedding I shot on Sunday.

4. Weather is absolutely perfect in Louisville today.

5. Fried apples my aunt made for me yesterday when I went to her house to do laundry.

6. Cable working so limited working from home during the day and limited tv watching at night is possible thanks to the generator.
03 September 2008 @ 09:26 am
My Cousin: Daddy how will I know what to do if you aren't here to tell me what to do?

My Uncle: You'll tell yourself, you'll figure it out.

My Cousin: What if I do it wrong?

My Uncle: Back up and do it again.

- conversation two days before my uncle died.

My uncle was a simple man. He was a farmer who held "public jobs" throughout his life as well. At the time of his death on August 29 he had been for many years the beloved custodian at an elementary school. He was a good man, a funny man and a much beloved man.

I went home last Saturday to visit him and my aunt because he'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Prognosis ranged from weeks to months. No one suspect that as of last Saturday he had less than a week to live. That evening he was taken to the emergency room because he'd developed pneumonia. He'd never return home.

When I was a little girl my aunt and my grandmother took such care of me and gave me so much love I should never have a moment of self-doubt of low self esteem in my life. They gave me so much love it should last two lifetimes. So seeing my aunt's heart break so much now is about to kill me. I wanted and want nothing more than to be there taking care of her. There is unfortunately still work to be done and my life in Louisville. So staying on the farm with her indefinitely is not an option and it's killing me to be back in Louisville.

It's almost like I'm a different person down there. Maybe I like that person better, I'm not sure. So for, I guess, two weeks now I've been straddling two different locations, two different versions of myself and two different worlds. The farm and the community really are a different world from the world I normally inhabit. I'm sure this feeling will pass but right now I desperately want to be back there and be an actual part of that world and community.

I spent 3 nights and 4 days in the hospital with the family. They were long, hard days for everyone. After my uncle died I spent 4 days with the family as well. Those 8 days were full of new, heart breaking experiences that I suspect may have left me profoundly changed. Though my aunt's two sons are good men who would do anything in the world for her our relationship is special and she leaned on me during my uncle's hospitalization and the time leading to the funeral. Of course it helps that I don't have any children of my own who also need my attention like her sons do.

In any case I did things for my aunt that were unlike things I've done before and I find myself replaying them over and over trying to figure out if I did them right. I stayed awake at night to give my uncle sips of water and adjust his oxygen mask so my aunt and cousin could try to sleep in the hospital recliner and on the floor. I made sure my aunt ate whatever hospital food she could stomach and made my dad bring in a steady supply of hash browns for us since that seemed to be what she and I both like to eat best during times of stress. I demanded the medication for my uncle that he should have been giving without my request. I thanked the amazing nurses with all the sincerity in my heart.

I drove my aunt back and forth to the funeral home and slept with her at night after visitation. I tried to make sure that during the steady stream of people visiting (at least 1000 people came to the funeral home) she ate and drank and didn't get too overwhelmed. The most trying day was of course the day of the funeral. She and I were alone at the house together and pretty much got ready in silence. The night before the funeral, right before we went to sleep she'd cried and said she knew that the day of the funeral was really going to cement that fact that he was never coming home. We drove together alone to the funeral home and she said it was all like a dream. The school where my uncle had been custodian is on the way to the funeral home and we, once again, looked at the flag the school was flying at half staff in honor of him.

Quite unexpected to me it was decided I would drive my aunt from the funeral home to the cemetery. I cannot describe the experience of being the lead car in a funeral processional, directly behind the hearse, driving my newly widowed aunt to bury her husband. Again, I suspect I am profoundly changed.

I wish I had something deeper and more meaningful to say about all this but I don't. I guess I just wanted to write somethings down because I had honestly forgotten what a broken heart felt like. This experience taught me many things about myself, my family and my relationship. Not all of them are good things and I'm really having trouble moving forward today. I know that time helps and in a few weeks I'll probably be back to myself but today is hard and I can't steer my heart and mind away from where they want to focus their energy.
09 June 2008 @ 05:55 pm
Um, hi LiveJournal. Remember me? It's been a while I know but I've been pretty busy and I blog regularly elsewhere. It's horrible of me to only come back to you when I want something but the world is cruel and we're all doing the best we can. So allow me to tell you that for the third year in a row I'll be participating in the Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk. The walk isn't until September but I've got big fundraising goals this year. That's right, I'm in fundraising mode.

As you know Belinda is a geriatrician and sees many Alzheimer's patients and their families. She knows first hand what a profound impact this disease has on both the patients and their caretakers. So we're both walking and raising money. If you'd care to support me in the walk here is the link: http://tinyurl.com/5ecb46

Thank you very much in advance should you choose to donate. Know that it is very much appreciated.
30 November 2007 @ 07:54 pm
Over at On a path I wrote about finding out today that I've received a grant to partially fund a photography project I've been working on. There are a couple people on LJ that might be interested that don't read On a path regularly so I wanted to share the news here as well.

12 September 2007 @ 03:05 pm
After a very extended absence from personal blogging (save a few exceptions) I've decided to start again. I miss writing. I've tried blogging here a bit and at vox a bit but it just never took well did it? I like blogging with Movable Type, I like creating the design from scratch and having the look be as I want it. I like my own space. So On a path has returned from the dead.

Truthfully the newest version of On a path won't be too "what I had for breakfast" personal save the occasional vegetarian recipe. It will probably be more like the newest entry, have some tech tutorials and some criticism (search the archives for the piece on last year's Blogher for an example). That being said let me give you a personal update. We moved to Louisville in June. We have a great rental house that we may try to buy. I've been unemployed for months and months making only occasional money with photography and freelance tech consulting projects. Most of my time and energy has been poured into a documentary photography project. In case you didn't know there is no money in documentary photography projects. I've applied for a grant to help fund the project (see the latest entry at On a path). B absolutely loves her job, I've seen more of my family in the past 3 months than I have the past 3 years. I've lost 155 pounds and I'm training to run a 5K. I'm considering taking on a part time job to contribute to the family economy but I'm also considering some partnerships and startup ventures related to Consuming Louisville and other Louisville stuff online.

And that's the update. I do hope you'll visit On a path and comment if you feel compelled. That place used to have some really good conversations.